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On mother’s day

I have written this with many wonderful women in mind. Thank you for your presence in my life and being an inspiration.


Our culture is punctuated by special days, days that are envisaged toward celebration in the main. But celebrations have shadows. There are many shadows on this day; this day for mothers and their children.


Mother’s day, it’s the forth Sunday of Lent, and the four day Easter weekend looms (well for those that have a 9-5 Monday to Friday job anyway). It is a day where societal narratives and consumerism promotes, cards, chocolates, flowers and family lunches. It is a special day for mothers: for people to show their appreciation of mothers. Mainly their own. But also, perhaps, to celebrate and acknowledge our own motherhood.


It is truly lovely, if you are having a celebration on this day. I hope that your heart swells with love and gratitude. That the sun shines on your face in reality and metaphorically. Drink it in, let it nourish you and make you proud to be a mum, and, or, of your wonderful mum.

But what of you are not.


I would like to acknowledge that things aren’t always so. That there is loss, in motherhood, and being mothered. Being a mother and being mothered is not always easy. That’s OK, today I hope you can be kind to / about yourself and each other.


For mothers who are not with their children (child or adult) for whatever reason, I am sorry for your loss on this day, and all days they are not with you. I wonder if you could think of them and smile, to be proud and know that you are fundamental to their presence in this world. For mother’s who have lost their children by whatever means or circumstance, I am sorry for your loss. For mothers estranged from their children, I am sorry for your loss.


For women who want or wanted to be mothers I am sorry for your loss, that on this day and everyday your ache for a child has not come to fruition. It is a painful melancholy that is rarely acknowledged. I am sorry for that too. It can be a very painful day.


For those of us not with our mothers, I hope that there is something you can hold dear about her. For those of us that have lost our mothers through estrangement and death, I am sorry for your loss. I wonder if you could allow yourself some time for mourning, and if possible to offer some gratitude for them. It may be that this is just that she brought you into the world and you are here, a living breathing human. Celebrate that. Or that your mother is no longer with us perhaps, you can reminisce on the many gifts that she gave. Celebrate that. For those of us just not able to be with our mum today, I hope that you can think of them and smile. But still, I am sorry for your loss.

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Dr. Caroline Taylor, Psychological Therapy and Practice

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